well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I smell like Dick and happiness
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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