one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
