I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
