At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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