um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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