$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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