U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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