My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
