i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
