If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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