she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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