I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
