I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
