Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
