I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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