I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
As shirtless as possible
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
