meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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