i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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