At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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