I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
