either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
