he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
