Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
