Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
time to smoke my breakfast
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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