bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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