Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
