Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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