it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
two words...techno handjob
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
