I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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