he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
