he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
