New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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