Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You were trust falling into bushes
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
