good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
