I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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