if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
