i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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