I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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