How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
