I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
