Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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