I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
