She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
