your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
