you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
They took my balls.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
