Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
