As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
