you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
