evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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