I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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