You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
