How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
