There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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