I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
