I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
